Loyalty and Faithfulness

Delivered at the wedding of Adair (Muth) and Rick Pringle, Lakeside, MT.
Text: Prov 3.3-6

Rick and Adair, it is so good to be here with you today. We who are gathered have watched with gladness as you two met one another and began building your relationship. It is a great honor and a great joy to be able to come to this beautiful place today with you to celebrate your marriage.

The two of you have been together for a number of years now. In that time, you have been through quite a bit together, and I’m sure you’ve experienced your share of both hardships and joys. Many people our age see marriage as something superficial, a needless hardship or an outdated social custom. When two people have been together as long as you have and shared as much as you have, there is scarcely a need to formalize a relationship through marriage. This is what is truly remarkable about your relationship: in spite of all that it already is, you have still chosen to come before family and friends and publicly commit yourselves to one another.

Since you have chosen to be here today to make these promises to one another, I wanted to share with you this bit of wisdom from the book of Proverbs: “Do not let loyalty and faithfulness forsake you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will find favor and good repute in the sight of God and of people. Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” This is the true goal and function of marriage: faithfulness. Marriage is not about love. Love is a necessity for marriage, of course; without love a marriage is doomed to fail. However, marriage is really about faithfulness. Your love for one another is already evident. In a few moments, you will add to that love your promises of loyalty and faithfulness. This is a frightening prospect. Even to people who have been together as long as you have, the permanence of marriage can be intimidating.

This is why you have come before these people today. Not only will they be witnesses to your vows and hold you accountable to them, but they have also promised to do what they can to support you and help you be able to keep those vows to one another. With the help of this community, you will bind your loyalty and faithfulness around your neck today.

And this is the truly amazing part: by swearing these vows to one another today, your relationship will change. Even as strong as it already is, you will find that with the safety of these vows to protect it, over time your love will continue to grow and evolve. By writing your loyalty on the tablets of your hearts, you will give your love the refuge it needs to grow and flourish, and you will find favor with one another as well as with the people around you.

Perhaps most important to remember though, is that as of today, your relationship is not just about the two of you anymore. As your love for one another grows and changes, it takes on new life of its own. That is what it means to trust in the Lord and not to rely on your own insight. There is a force beyond us that you love now taps into, the force from which all life and all love flows.

There will come days when you cannot trust yourself to make the right choices for one another. Even in these darkest times of your marriage, you can trust in your love for one another and in the source of that love to guide you through the darkness and across to the other side. Marriage is no picnic, and it all too often fails, but if you remember and honor these vows, you will not let loyalty and faithfulness forsake you. Trust in one another and in your love for each other rather than your own insight, and I have faith you will be able to survive whatever life may throw your way.
So, today we rejoice, because your love has proven its strength already by bringing you here to make these vows to one another, and we are happy to promise you our support in your marriage. We trust in your love, that it will continue to grow in strength between you and keep you firmly in its grip as you continue your lives together.

The Sublime Melting Pot

Delivered at the wedding of Cassie (Novak) and David McArtor, Moscow, ID.
Text: 1 Cor 13.1-13

Victor Hugo writes, “Love is the sublime melting pot in which man and woman are fused together, and this melting pot of two souls into one must stir the outer darkness.” I believe that is true. I cannot imagine that the heart of God is not moved to tenderness at such occasions as these when two people profess their love for one another and through that love enter into covenant with each other. David, Cassie, over the last several years as you have grown together and your lives have become intertwined, your love for one another has grown as well. It is that love, shaped by your experiences, tempered and refined by the trials of life, that has brought you both to this place today. We who are gathered here are pleased to be able to celebrate this day with you, and honored to be included in the continuing growth of that love which you have for one another. As we are gathered here today to witness the promises you are about to make to one another and to make promises of our own to you, God is in our midst, smiling.

This gift of love has been given to you in order to build you both up, to enrich your lives, and through the two of you, to build up the world around you. St. Paul writes that no matter how good or mighty a person’s deeds might be, without love they are nothing because, without love, they do not seek to build up one another and their community. The same is true for you. Throughout your marriage, even if you were to know all the right things to do and all the correct things to say, without love, actions would be empty and words would be meaningless. It is only because of the love that you two have for one another that you are able to stand before God and this assembly today.

At the same time, love alone is sometimes not enough. We are flawed, imperfect people. We do not have the capacity or the endurance to love one another as we ought. There will be days when your love will not be enough to sustain you through hardships or to mend your relationship after a fight. It is for those days that you have come here on this day, to offer your vows of fidelity, of forgiveness, and of compassion to one another. Marriage is not a promise of how life will be, but a promise that it will not be lived alone. You will face hardship, anguish, and perhaps even disaster. The true blessing of marriage is not that you will avoid trials, but that whatever may come, good or bad, you will never face it alone.

It is for those days, when you have hit your lowest, when your love alone is not sufficient, Paul writes about what love is: “Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” When you find you cannot act out of love of your own accord, your vows and these words teach you how to continue to show love to one another, so that even in the midst of failure, you might succeed in building one another up, in nurturing one another, and in continuing to become better spouses, better people. Because you have chosen to bind yourselves to one another today in the presence of this assembly, you have invited community into your marriage, asking for their help and support and acknowledging their guidance. By joining yourselves together in the presence of God, you invite God into your union, and it is God who will give you the strength and wisdom to honor your promises to one another when neither of you has the power to do it on your own.

This is the greatest blessing of marriage: that with God’s help, your love provides the foundation for the vows which you will make today, which in turn will provide a framework for your love to continue to grow and evolve. Over the years, it will evolve, it will change so that you may scarcely recognize it, but it will be there, constant and reliable. Through this love and this marriage, God will constantly be at work to build you both up, and God will also be working to use you to build up your families, your communities, and the world. This gift of love we celebrate today is a gift not just for you, but for all of us. And yet, as St. Paul reminds us, as wonderful, as powerful, as faithful as this gift is, it is but a dim reflection of the love of God. As you grow together in trust and love, your relationship will be a reminder to you and to all of us of the powerful and steadfast love of God.

And so, we rejoice to be here with you today to witness that love which God has shown you and shown us through you, and we also rejoice to be invited into the covenant which you are making with one another. We gladly wish you the best in all that is to come, and we wait excitedly to see how your love for one another will continue to grow and change as God uses you to bless one another and the world.

Where You Go, I Will Go

Delivered at the wedding of Rhiannon (Chandler) and Carter Fox, Albuquerque, NM.
Text: Ruth 1.16-17

Well, here we are. This long-awaited day is finally here. Congratulations, you two, you made it! I must confess I feel a little strange standing here as a bachelor giving the two of you advice and encouragement for your marriage when you clearly have more experience at this than I do, but with the help of God, I will speak from my own experience and the experience of others before me, and will do my best.

When you originally asked me to lead this ceremony for you, you had it set for June; only later did you move the date to today. I know that after all this hectic planning and scurrying around you have asked yourselves more than once, “What the heck were we thinking?!?” In spite of all the craziness of planning a wedding during school while you two have been far apart, this is actually a very fitting time of year for a wedding. We are now in the liturgical season of Advent, which is a time of waiting and anticipation leading up to Christmas. During Advent we remember Christ’s coming into the world and wait with baited breath for his return. And so, it is also appropriate that during this time of waiting for Christ’s return, we should also be anticipating this happy day for the two of you, Rhiannon and Carter. There is more of a connection than you might think.

Christ’s birth was a sign to the world of God’s love and devotion to us. It was Christ’s life and teaching, and finally his death and resurrection that sent the message to the world that God cares for us and loves us enough to become like us, taking on all our human frailties and sorrows to work with us to make our lives here better, with the promise of indescribable joy to come. Similarly, your marriage today is a sign of your love and devotion to one another. In this marriage, the two of you will take on one another’s sorrows and burdens, as well as each other’s joys and celebrations, working with one another and hoping for a long and happy life to come. Your marriage today is a foretaste for you and for all of us of what is to come with Christ’s return.

Now, the love that you have for one another is not perfect, because nothing in this world is perfect, but it is love, and with these vows that you exchange today, you are promising one another each other’s trust, love, fidelity, honor, respect, and commitment. Unfortunately, like all things we know, marriage is imperfect. The two of you know all too well the sting of divorce, as does this assembly here today. As I read earlier in the service, neither the state, nor God nor I can create this marriage, only the two of you. Marriage is not so much a promise to love one another as it is a promise of fidelity and commitment. However, it is that promise of fidelity that will allow you to nurture your love and grow together in relationship.

The text from the Bible you chose to have read comes from the book of Ruth in the Old Testament. The story goes that Naomi and her husband moved away from their own country to live as resident aliens while her two boys were still young. Eventually, her husband died, leaving her to raise her sons. They grew up and took foreign wives, and then they, too, tragically died. With nothing left to tie her to that land, Naomi kissed her daughters-in-law Ruth and Orpah goodbye and headed back to her homeland in bitter sorrow and anger. Ruth, however, refused to leave her, vowing to stay with Naomi, even though Ruth would be a foreigner in Naomi’s land without a means of support. Ruth’s devotion to and love for Naomi, in spite of all the hardships it meant for her, is why the passage that Phil read earlier is so appropriate for our ceremony today.

Like Naomi, we are not always at our best, sometimes we are angry and sorrowful and nasty to be around, yet like Ruth, we continue to stick together for the sake of love. Carter, there will be days when Rhiannon will annoy you to no end, and Rhiannon, there will be days when you are so angry with Carter that you will not even want to speak to him. When those days come, remember Naomi and Ruth, remember your love for one another. Act out of that love always, doing only kindness even when you are angry or hurt, and your love will continue to blossom. Carter and Rhiannon, today you are pledging your devotion to one another, in spite of whatever hardships you may face ahead of you, because you love one another, and that love is what calls you to this marriage. Remember to live in that love.

You both know as well as anybody that there will be hard times to come. You know that life is not going to be any easier than it has already been, and sometimes will be much harder. As another pastor once said in another wedding homily, “Marriage is not a promise of how life will be, but a promise that it will not be lived alone.”  This marriage is going to be work, but it will be worth every tear, every drop of sweat that you put into it, because from now on, you are living not just for yourselves, but for one another, and it is is that relationship that will give you strength and courage. I have faith in the two of you, and I hope that you have faith in each other, that there is nothing ahead of you that you cannot face together. May God richly bless you in your life together.